Why Vegetarianism Is Evil

We’ve all sinned before. In fact, I will proudly proclaim that yours truly is smacking of every sin that has a name. However, of all my bottomless voluptuousness, there is one sin that I have never ever committed and will never ever commit. That sin is vegetarianism.

Of course some people will never agree to call it a sin. Those people are called “Satan’s disciples” and they are best to be avoided. Fine, perhaps calling them Satan’s disciples is a bit unfair. Maybe “brainwashed peon.” Some of these peons might squawk that eating animals is somehow an act of murder. While I do believe that livestock should be treated with care and respect, to call eating animals an act of murder seems a bit of a stretch. Are lions committing murder when they’re hunting? If the taking of a life for sustenance is somehow wrong, then what of the vegetables we are consuming right now? Are they not living things as well? What justifies the death of a cute and cuddly head of broccoli over the death of a mussel that doesn’t even move?

But it’s just as well. What more can you expect from peons that would keep on barking the ridiculous presumption that eating meat is unhealthy. As if vegetarianism is healthier. I mean, look at potato chips. Look at French fries. Look at Buddha.

But a bigger problem with vegetarianism is how we deny our nature through it. It’s never a bright idea to control what is a deep part of our nature. Take a look at how teenage girls found all over bad television shows would always inexplicably find themselves pregnant even though they wore a chastity ring and attend church every Sunday and loves Jesus and whatever. We have sharp incisors and canines for eating meat, and we have flat premolars and molars for eating vegetables. So when we question these designs of nature, aren’t we committing the root of all sins – pride? To presume that somehow we are more powerful than nature, that we are somehow better than what nature intended us to be, isn’t that the greatest sin of all?

I am not advocating for abolishing all medical advances and just leaving people to their fate. Humans have made progress that prolong and enhance their lives, and that is good. But surely nobody expects to develop immortality? In the end, there are boundaries that we cannot cross, things that we cannot overwrite, and changes that we cannot and should not make.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to eat, for all this philosophical talk has made me hungry.

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